The Slow and Savory Review
Brandy's current rant against the herbivores of the world started when her good friend Mama Bee told her the story of how she had recently received a request that her honey empire develope a "vegan honey." "I mean, have you ever heard of such a thing?!" Mama Bee scoffed, "The idea that somehow I could make a better product than my bees can is ridiculous! If you don't want to use animal products, then use corn syrup for goodness sake! Honey is a very specific thing, and the second you start tampering with it, its not honey any more!" "I couldn't agree more," Brandy sighed, "Its like all this catering being done to please the vegetarians. Fake chicken, fake sausage, fake bacon. For goodness sake, you just don't desecrate a wonderful thing like bacon with all those chemicals and crazy concoctions! As a matter of fact, I'd like to see a restaurant that makes no compromises to the vegetarians. Somewhere that puts its love of meat on display!"
Brandy chose the Baked Polenta as her entree, which came rustically served in an iron pan with some oiled country bread on the side. There was a great saltiness to the polenta from the parmesan and fontina cheeses, which while plenty gooey, didn't overwhelm the rest of the dish with richness due to the the well balanced acid from the chunks of tomato. Some swiss chard also helped to add to the heartiness of the dish, contrasting with the melty, soft texture of the polenta itself, which in this instance resembled more of a porridge than grits. Brandy's favorite part was scooping up heapfulls of the stuff with her toasted bread, wishing she had more of the slices. Brandy had also ordered a side of the House Bacon, knowing how famous the restaurant is for its self cured and butchered meats (so famous that on the opposite corner to the restaurant is Publican Quality Meats, which delights foodies and chefs with its varieties of exotic meats, home made sausages, and the hand cut chops of yester-year). The bacon came in two thick blocks, coated in maple syrup. The meat was fatty, tender, sticky sweet, and crunchy with a beautiful caramelized char on the edges. "This is no run of the mill bacon," Brandy moaned, "This is the king of bacon. No, not just the king, the Holy Roman Emperor of bacon. It should come with a certificate of its lineage."
Stuffed as they were, Mama Bee and Brandy decided to sample some dessert. Mama Bee went with the Cinnamon Streusel Coffee Cake. The cake was extremely moist, which can sometimes be a downfall of coffee cakes, with a warm vein of cinnamon running through it. "Its pretty traditional, but done very well, I must say," Mama Bee said cheerily, "Could use a dab of honey though."
Having thoroughly proved their point (to no one in particular) that real meat dishes are best kept simple and rustic, Brandy and Mama Bee waddled out of The Publican. The service had been fairly attentive, though lacked a little friendliness that one might expect from such a relaxed atmosphere, and the prices had been a bit on the steep side, though nothing too outrageous when one took the quality of the dishes into account. "I'd like to see a vegan version of the meal we just ate!" Brandy proclaimed, "You can alter all the beans, wheat gluten, and ground cashews you'd like, but nothing will ever come close to the glory that was a simple side of bacon."
The Short and Sweet Review